LOOK OK SOMEONE NEEDS TO HEAR ME

NO ONE IS ONLINE AND I JUST NEED TO TELL SOMEONE THIS EVEN THOUGH NO ONE CARES AT ALL

ANYWAY YEAH OK I HAVE THIS NEW WAY OF DRAWING THINGS AND I'VE NEVER FELT MORE PROUD OF ANYTHING IN MY LIFE
LIKE ACTUALLY I HAVE SO MUCH PRIDE I HAVE TO TYPE THIS IN CAPS LOCK
I DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO THINGS WELL BUT I SORT OF CAN I THINK MAYBE YEAH JKGDSLFAS

I'M GOING TO BE MISERABLE BECAUSE I'M GOING TO THE FOOTBALL AND I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I SPECIFICALLY HAVE TO DO

GRACE OK IF YOU DON'T COME TO SCHOOL TOMORROW THAT'S FINE I'LL JUST MAKE FRANI'S FUCKING CAKE ON MY OWN :----(

oops that was my idea of a 'break from blogging'

well I'm sorry but yeah here I am again !
I'll write positive things first, I think.
Yesterday was really good actually ! I mean I hate school and yeah but I like Caitlin and making friends with her friends. As long as they don't dislike me for liking some bands they hate because I think people who are like that are really shallow and not cool at all hah ! But no I think they tolerated me and stuff which was nice. Preshil people are very amusing and yeah. It sort of sucks my parents are shit and wouldn't let me stay longer. This leads into my negative slab of writing yay !

I've decided that the second my dad's house is ready I am going to stay there for like a month because I am so sick of being here and hey look I said that like three months ago ! This is weird ! But no seriously my mother is always angry at me for no reason these days and I feel so pathetic because I just want to be like NIGGA CUT ME SOME SLACK OK I'M SICK AND SAD CONSTANTLY but like that is so lame and well ok I always feel pathetic but y'know it's extra-bad when my mother is the cause of that.
Hey so I'm being forced to go the football tomorrow and I don't think I'm allowed to go out tonight because my mother is fucking insane. Yeah. That's alright though, as long as she just leaves me completely alone and doesn't talk to me at all I will have a happy night. I'm going to play games that no one would appreciate and talk to gabbi about them because hey yeah internet people are nice to me !

rereading the entirety of harry potter again yep

I could reread this series for the rest of my life seriously

I feel so so sick I want to die but I don't need to throw up and I don't know what is wrong with me but my stomach is fucking killing me and I have no idea what to do anymore HELP
And my head feels like it's going to explode when I stand up ! But at least I'm not at school hah ! More exclamation marks and complaints!!!!!!!!!

look ok I'm going to stop blogging for a while now because otherwise I think I will have to cut off my own fingers because I lack any self-control whatsoever and I am so sick of my stupid blog and I know you are too :-) hope you're all having a jolly time at school ~

I don't know why it has only just sunk it but I actually only just realised that everyone is so used to me complaining about me and my dumb feelings that they just don't pay attention to it anymore
I've even tried to tell my parents just subtly random stupid depressed things and they're like
HA HA YOU'LL LIVE HAVE AN APPLE
Actually this is a really good apple so that makes up for it. But still.
I'm laughing at the above sentence but I shouldn't be oh my god I was trying to write a serious blog fuck

um even my therapist does it now ugh every time I say something negative she's like NOW LOOK AT THAT FROM A POSITIVE ANGLE. DO IT. DON'T QUESTION IT JUST DO IT and it's like what are you doing you're not helping ha ha ha I don't know how to do that

but no oh don't take this the wrong way ! this isn't some sort of ~*sly dig*~ at anyone in particular
I just have a new-found hatred for myself and how much I complain
look I'm complaining about complaining
jesus christ I don't even deserve friends

ooo fun it feels like i'm being stabbed in the stomach :-)

I love my beautiful immune system it just helps so much all the time wow I love it
ha
everything hurts ｡◕‿◕｡

I think I forget how many people actually read this blog
I write so much bullshit here it's ridiculous
And it's actually the most diverse bunch of people ever like idk why some of you went out of your way to follow my blog like what are you even doing YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THIS

I don't think I'm going to go to school tomorrow
I feel like such a hypocrite since I was complaining about people missing heaps of school this afternoon but
fuck off I'm legitimately sick ok fljkghadjkf

my hair is cut and my ears have things stretching them

djkhlsfjsk I always feel so self-conscious after I get a haircut. It’s weird. Also this one is really really short so I have a reason to be. And yeah ha I put tapers in my ears ! Everything is great because they don’t turn at all and they’re really fun to play with and they’re not swollen and I love my ears for that. Except they’re kind of a luminescent green so idk how I’m going to hide that from dem silly bitches @ carey :---( ESPECIALLY WITH MY EXTREMELY SHORT HAIR UGH WHAT DO I EVEN DO
I think there is something wrong with me because I’ve been feeling sick for the past few days and I haven’t been eating as much WHICH IS WEIRD because food is so good like I love food and food is my boyfriend and I live for food etc <333333 I cud blog about it 4eva~~
The point is
Uh
Yeah I feel sick and all this week I haven’t been able to pour a drink without spilling it because my hands are trembling so much all the time
And I drink a lot of glasses of orange juice daily
Which is weird because I haven’t had that problem for years so idk man
I just read the saddest fic ever omg I was bawling my eyes out seriously. Gerard died at the end and everything sucked but like the whole thing was so sad I just cried so much welp and then Cancer came on fucking shuffle on my ipod right when I was up to the saddest part at the end and I just sobbed forever jesus fucking christ fahjlheskdjfs BUT IT WAS SO GOOD

And just for the record omg I had the greatest night last night just reading and rewatching green day live and talking to people on tumblr so yay for not having a social life ok I'm very happy about that \(｡◕‿◕｡)/

dKLS FAK;mim jstu CRYING EVERYWHERE I JUST BROKE MY COMPUTER WITH MY TEARS

http://theuglydance.com/?v=vrcfzkmudn
http://theuglydance.com/?v=vrcfzkmudn
http://theuglydance.com/?v=vrcfzkmudn
http://theuglydance.com/?v=vrcfzkmudn
http://theuglydance.com/?v=vrcfzkmudn

HELP AOIDFGNDKJL INO I'M JUST
SOBBING
AASDFLF WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FUNNY

omg adjhtlk dias i'mgfdu cryingafd jkgl

http://sexyhamdance.blogspot.com/
http://letsallgetoursexyhamdanceon.blogspot.com/
alfjkhd im criyngaljkfs no seriously why is this so funny
why are grace and ryan so funny
mostly grace
grace is making an effort
but still
lOOK ATM Y TEARS LDFGHJ

my childhood is over

I just bawled my eyes out in Harry motherfucking Potter jesus christ.
So many tears. Dear god.
Then we got out and Jodie was like 'it was a bit sad...' and then Cam was like
'I just sobbed the whole time. Manly sobbing, of course.'
yep I have new found respect for him
It was really funny though because it was like me and Jodie and Cam and Zander and they're all really soft-spoken people so I was like straining to hear them all talking and yeah I just had a chuckle to myself

Today sucked so much I was like thinking lol i should throw myself off the top of the g building lol imagine!!!!!!! thatd b so funny :))) but then Aarish gave me headphones after school and suddenly things went good which was nice
yeah

Tomorrow I'm going to stretch my ears and pretend I'm going to media crew when I'm just going into the city to buy things and get coffee because my mother won't understand that media crew doesn't actually do anything and besides she'd yell. Look at me im soooo rebellious omg acknowledge me and my rebelliousnesss!!!!!! I hope ur impressed!!!!! hahahah!!!!!!
Hi Caitlin this is the part I want you to acknowledge

Also I will watch all my band dvds tomorrow night and stay on tumblr while you're all at Jordan's not having fun. I'm not even jelly ok so stop bein mean :((

the things american idiot does for me

I don't know okay it's just listening to American Idiot makes me so fucking happy somehow
I listened to it when I was on the plane feeling sick and I was like IT'S OKAY BILLIE IS GOING TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS I LOVE GREEN DAY SO MUCH FUCK
but I threw up anyway :-) oh weeeeell!!!!!! XD XD

Wow
I have so much homework I actually have to do tonight
like there's no avoiding it
I just want to read fan fic
well
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm going to go eat some ice cream and procrastinate yay ajkfldghdkaj

oh don't read this thing here

well the fact that I haven't started any of my homework yet is less funny at 11:45 the night before school. still ! I don't really care. It's all right because I plan how I am going to get out of things very well and I'm going to do most of my math and german anyway so yeah I'm a good person maybe except not really at all

it's really funny when I try to seriously tell my mum that I "would rather kill myself than go to school or just participate in life in general"
and she just has a bit of a chuckle and tells me to stop being dramatic
oh yes I'm aware it's a very ridiculous and over dramatic statement BUT STILL tsk tsk parenting ! you're doing it wrong!!!!!!

this is one of the few times I'm glad I'm seeing therapy lady tomorrow because wow I have so much to unload it's weird and scary maybe she'll actually get around to sending me to my gp idk hurry up and do it though l0l
look at my blog and my life
what is this bullshit \(◕‿◕ )/ if I were you I'd dislike me and my blog a lot ~

so many pop tarts gfhjsdljk I feel sick

you know what
I actually love Iris so much
I love her so much because she's exactly the same person she was 3 years ago and she's such a kid and aksjlhdfkj just being around her is so great because I forget to care about anything yay
um it's like
it just makes me feel like being a kid again ha idk ok

I feel sick. We ate heaps of pop tarts and discussed anime. I forgot I like anime. Hah. Weird.

I'm reading Grace's blog and wanting to hug her
I miss people. School will be nice for about 5 seconds when I see people and then I'll remember it sucks!!!! I'm not going to lie and tell you I'm going to go do work but I'm going to go waste time on tumblr. I blog too much when I'm lonely yeah

no seriously who would fuck brent wilson

aw yeah I just saved you all from a really unpleasant rant I was about to post yeah I'm a great person no need to thank me~~~~~~~

I briefly tinychatted with anna and other nice tumblr people and yeah that was nice
but seriously
things
they suck again

oh well

I'm going to eat some more toast now that I can actually keep food down (✿◠‿◠)
Also I'm going to watch something relevant to my favourite band or something I don't fucking know I need a distraction and I'm not doing homework someone end this sentence for me it's never going to end o0o0o0o0o0o this sentence is just going to go on forever there's a crumb stuck under my full stop button oh what do I do with my life!!!!!!!!!!!
oh
I think I'm going insane from only having my family as company for so fucking long
oh
well

potatoes are so fucking delicious

Are they really this delicious all the time? I'm not sure
maybe it's the fact I haven't eaten for so long idk man I have a headache but otherwise I feel a-ok

let me reassess what is wrong with my life right now in a melodramatic and completely not serious way

- I have yet to start any holiday homework at all
- I haven't seen fucking harry potter fucking fuck fuck
- I wish I could draw well but I can't ha ha ha
- I don't know what I should be doing right now
- Do I dare risk my life by eating nutella or should I wait longer fhjdklslhk

oh wow look at my life and my problems wow everything sucks obviously


hah I'm actually in such a good mood I'm not even kidding
as long as I don't think too much about those first two points then I am stress free at the moment yay!!!!!!!!
I'm going to read some fanfic and pretend homework doesn't exist and then I'll watch Life On The Murder Scene or The Black Parade Is Dead and feel impossibly happy yep sounds good man

Oh something I discovered whilst on holiday:
Hazelnut ice cream + chocolate mousse = nutella
I am not even kidding
I like screamed when I tried it

I am craving some fucking nutella

someone stop me from blogging so much please

I have a fun little story for you all !

So ! Thursday night, our flight was at 11:55. We had dinner at like 6 or something. We get to the airport. I'm feeling reasonably grumpy because my mum is being irritating and making a big deal out of rushing to get through customs or something.
We end up sitting for about 2-3 hours at a table outside the gate. I temporarily fall in love with a boy with really sad looking eyes and write meaningful poetry about eyes and listen to Nirvana and Blink 182 and Sum 41 and glare angrily at a small shop for 2 hours that is overrun with cockroaches. We get into the gate lounge and wait for another half an hour. I exchange ~*~meaningful eye contact~*~ with sad boy for the 409378th time and then we get on the plane finally.
Clearly my night is off to a good start ! We take off at about 12:40am and I am feeling exceedingly grumpy and I attempt to fall asleep in the most uncomfortable position ever. This continues for majority of the whole fucking flight. It consists of me waking up and feeling angry that I'm in a lot of pain and I can't fall asleep properly. By the time we get to about 2 hours left of the flight I'm feeling really dizzy and even more angry. I get up to throw up but turns out I don't need to. I sit agonizing over whether I'm about to throw up or not for almost two hours until we're landing and I shamefully have to use one of the bags in the seat pockets. It's sufficiently disgusting but I pull it off with style and manage not to draw a large amount of attention to myself because I'm great like that.
We get off the plane and it's 9am on Friday morning. I'm feeling considerably better but then I feel dizzy again. The next hour consists of the process of leaving the airport and me wondering whether I should throw up or not.
We get into the cab and my mum has taken multiple bags from the plane, so she's prepared when I once again have to throw up. Yay.
Three more times after I throw up in the cab, I've convinced myself I'll feel better when I get home.
We get home and I practically pass out the moment I get into bed.
I wake up 2 hours later extremely hot and uncomfortable and also extremely distraught because I had some dream about being stuck in an African country where no one understood me. It was terrible.
So basically the rest of the afternoon up until about 6 is me waking up, throwing up EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NOTHING TO THROW UP, feeling better for about 5 minutes, falling asleep again, waking up, throwing up, and this repeats about 10 times. Then getting so ridiculously tired by the time it' s 6 I'm crawling around the house in the most pathetic way possible.
After 6 and I've fallen asleep after sucking on multiple ice blocks for a long period of time I am woken at 8 by a German doctor and he tells me things. Then I fall asleep again. I wake up and drink more water. Then fall asleep.
And now here I am ! I haven't eaten for 2 days and I'm still sort of trembling but I'll be fine ! I am only saddened by the fact I missed out on Zander's party last night since I've been looking forward to it since forever but djaslkfh whatever. I'm going to go...drink water...because I'm still not hungry which is really weird. I think I'm going to read some fanfic or play pokemon or something because I'm too exhausted to do anything else yay :---) Actually after standing up I have realised that I have a huge headache and my stomach physically aches from all the...throwing up. Uh. Also I can't walk in a straight line. but ill b fine!!!!!! :)))))
If you read all this you, my friend, are a champion of the highest degree. Sorry you had to read about the throwing up. Since, y'know, that's kind of gross.

well

This was an overall very lovely holiday

Just a few, uh, things this made me realise though

1. My mother makes me extremely uncomfortable. Specifically when she stares at me too long or when I can tell she's looking at my arms or when she makes some sort of gesture at my arms or something idk dfhljkasjk
2. It was so weird because I haven't worn shorts or short sleeved tops in so long and I felt insanely uncomfortable for like the first few days and then I only went swimming like once ugh I hate myself for that
3. On more positive notes,
THE PEOPLE IN BALI ARE SO FUCKING NICE IT'S INSANE
4. Korean drama is amazing oh my god
5. Indonesian TV in general is like the best thing of my life
Today we watched a movie called Mr Vampire. It was about zombie vampires. They hopped everywhere. I cried sufficiently.
6. Dear god the food here
I can't even
I have never had so much Mi Goreng in my life holy fuck
7. I think I would've gotten a lot more done if I didn't have unlimited free wireless internet
oh
well
/shrugs

I'm going to go home tomorrow night and get back at 6 in the morning and then wallow in self pity for the whole day and then go out n party dat nite!!!!!!!

I had a massage today

Okay regardless of the fact that none of you are interested at all in my pointless Bali adventures let it be said that I hate massages.

Okay firstly my mother was like GET A MASSAGE YOU'LL FEEL GR8 and since she couldn't con my brother into one I didn't really have a choice. So I was like 'ugh okay what requires the least touching' and she was like FOOT MASSAGE LOL YAY YOU'LL FEEL SO GR8!!!ENTHUSIASM!!! so I was like ~*~wateva mom~*~ and I went along to this shit and can I just say
I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life
Except for the time earlier today when we walked into what I thought was this really cool art gallery and in fact turned out to be a massive warehouse full of brightly coloured gay porn and dicks everywhere. That was motherfucking uncomfortable.
Ha today is a day of uncomfortableness for the ham

No No but seriously this fucking massage. I had to bite my lip til it bled to stop myself from laughing because I'm fucking ticklish okay. The lady even asked what was wrong and I was like LOL NOTHING IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE FEELING UP MY THIGH OR ANYTHING WHEN I THOUGHT THIS WOULD JUST BE A STRICTLY FOOT MASSAGE NO BIG DEAL IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO SELF COMBUST FROM THE LACK OF PERSONAL SPACE OR ANYTHING
Oh man I didn't even realise but I have a problem with people
touching
me

That was meant to sound creepy
ha ha I bet you feel uncomfortable reading this now
ha

Yesterday we went for a bike ride that was downhill for 2 hours and had like two fucking huge up and down sort of hills but otherwise I didn't pedal the whole time and it was the best bike ride of my whole life yep
it's kind of cool when you're riding through large expanses of farm lands and you see tiny little kids running out from their houses just to say hi to you
and a lot of them squealed at my hair
sometimes I wonder if people think my head is bleeding from a distance, especially with a helmet on. I'm not sure

It's really nice because I really like this holiday and you know what I just love everyone lawl so full of love dis neva happens!!!!! embrace it!!!!! ~ <3
I mean there's that thought sitting at the back of my head reminding me that as soon as school starts up again and as soon as I get back from here, and more specifically, realise I have motherfucking holiday homework to do for a semester of electives I hate, that I'll fall back into my old fun depressing mood yay life ha ha ha
Those thoughts have just occasionally risen whilst I've been here but like
You don't even know how good that is for me
I don't even know how to explain how weird it is for me to be this
uh
content?
almost all the fucking time
or at least being able to keep a lid on my negative thoughts and such
it's weird

Do you want to know something irrelevant? Tumblr was so beautiful tonight oh my god so many magnificent photos of many things I can't even form words well anymore

If you don't find mikey way attractive at all I have some news for you
you're a lesbian


LOOK AT HOW LONG THIS IS
I DESERVE TO BE BURNT AT THE STAKE

so I've been on the resort's internet for majority of today

And I have this horrible fear that the staff are going to like break down the door and beat me up and tell me to stop using the internet

ha ha paranoia ha ha


you know what? I liked it better when I/people in general posted photos on these blogs

so here u go l0l
dis is so random!!

I've been here for about 24 hours and I love everything

Do you want to hear something nice
I am so so so happy right now it's actually ridiculous
This morning I woke up and we got free breakfast. Consisting of croissants and toast and weird cinammon pastry things and THE MOST AMAZING COFFEE IN THE WORLD JKDLSHFJ and so much fruit and yeah okay that just made my morning. And I cannot even describe how fucking awesome the view is. Like. It's *~*~bReAtHtAkiNgggg~~~~*~* no but seriously we're really high up and it's amazing and fuck this is gr8
I am drawing heaps and you know what it's not even that hot and yeah it's like a great temperature and look I'm forgetting to end my sentences and use punctuation ! yay !
We went to a forest full of monkeys today. It was called Monkey Forest. It was on Monkey Forest road. There were people screaming everywhere and children laughing. I watched a monkey handroll a cigarette and a monkey almost tear someone's face off because they were holding bananas. I don't think I've ever been so amused by animals in my life.

There was a really racist and obnoxious fat man sitting behind me on the plane ! That was not fun. I had a headache the whole time and I listened to a lot of patd and felt sad. But now ! I am overwhelmed by the amount of love I have for Bali.

Seriously they make the fucking greatest coffee here.

ALSO I saw a very small child wearing a My Chem shirt on the way out of the airport and I almost wept
greatest moment of my life

hi brb bali

when people don't understand my sarcasm

[You] 1:12
alright then
I'm going shopping for art supplies !
k g2g l8r sk8r xo
[ ] 1:13
what the hell is wrong with you



ha ha dumb bitch

oh and look I changed some things

also hi the conversation I had with frani last night had me legitimately sobbing for about an hour
not
even
kidding

HAHA YEAH I LOVE DOG
I NEED TO CLAM DOWN
BURT SERIOUSLY

dear god everything is so funny wen im talkin 2 dat gurl :))) xxx

an evening consisting of L4D and Misfits

Alex's house. Oh how I love it.
And oh how I love his endless supply of food and his dogs and his cat and his backyard and playing strange basketball with his dog and playing twister and Skate 3 and almost dying on the trampoline because Ryan thinks it's really funny to watch Alex, Frani and I writhe about in discomfort whilst Frani is constantly mumbling something about wanting to be sick.

And this evening I got home and decided I was in a gaming sort of mood and I haven't played Left 4 Dead in so long and it's so great and there's just so much zombie fun and gore and explosions and blood and frightening random zombies popping up out of nowhere and yay I love it
And my mother came up while I had Misfits playing really loudly and I was killin' zombies and she just barged into my room unannounced and she stared at me for so long with this really confused/concerned look on her face.
I think I am in a mostly good mood and I'm trying not to think about too many things aside from the fact I'll be in Bali by Wednesday and the weather will be wonderful and I won't have to deal with anything and I can forget school even exists.

Ha this blog is too long
I think I"m going to go draw a picture of Mikey Way and then go play some more L4D yep
Sounds like a productive continuation of the evening
I'm going to go make myself some coffee because apparently I'm addicted to that shit now
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ha brilliant

I wrote this really aggressive and terrible blog post about how I hate everyone last night
but it didn't post lol yay!!!!!!!! :))))

I'm quite excited to go to Bali now. I like the fact that I'm going to be alone a lot and it's going to be such lovely weather and I'm going to get a heap of drawings done. There is so much art I really want to get done. Like, I need to do it.
I'm going to get so much art done and just listen to some lovely music and read lovely books and watch some lovely Balinese tv and hope it's insanely humorous.

We get our own private pool in our room's garden
how fuckin' cool is that

occupying my time with paintings and reading Dracula

I'm surprised I have never gotten around to reading it earlier. It's fun and disturbing and great. And I am sketching and painting things for Frani and my mural that will come together in a month or so, I think.

Except not so much drawing because I"m feeling rather lazy and I'm just going to stay up all night with this bottle of the best motherfucking drink in the world - a.k.a a bottle of blood orange wonderfulness - and continuing to read Dracula or this really really long fanfic which is spectacular and great and also be on tumblr and listen to things with these gr8 headphones and yep I'm multitasking like yeah.

My mother tells me she thinks there's internet access in our rooms in Bali, but definitely at the resort at least. If she's lying I'm going to cut a bitch

why was today so wonderful

I love it when things are wonderful. I love Alex's house. It's like a second home. Everything there is so nice including his strange dogs and cat and his sc3n3 sista!!!! and he has so much food. Yep. Gr8 start to the holidays is gr8.

I will forever be anticipating the release of Ma Book (of good jokes) by Sarah Davis.