I have absolutely nothing to say

But I'm going to blog anyway

Hi. I am tired. I am feeling very neutral right now. I have absolutely no idea how I actually feel right now because I just don't feel anything which is scary and weird. I am terrified for what I have to talk about and who with on Saturday morning. I want next week to be over and I want to be happy because we have three weeks off. I really hope my dad is able to sell his house or life is very very shit all of a sudden. I have no urge to start this English essay. That is all.

I have a sudden fascination with spiders

Spiders fascinate me. I really like drawing spiders. I just like the structure of their legs and the frightening way they walk and how they have lovely little patterns. I like them when they are not bigger than my palm. Also when their multiple eyes are not visible and they do not explode and their babies run everywhere and they are not large and hairy.
I feel sick now.

I am absolutely void of any particular emotion right now. That is why I wrote about spiders.
I am going to study for German and look over my drum music without complaining and talk to people occasionally for some sort of amusement. I am rather neutral towards everything and everyone right now.

How ridiculous everything is

Today was really really great because Frani is insane and I would list all the nice things we did but I am low on computer battery power and stuff.
David keeps asking me to video call him and he keeps saying things and I want to explode and he's so scary okay I am going to go paint a picture of something. Goodnight

I just wanna break you down so badly

I am going to open this with happy things ! Seeing Caitlin was amusing. Also seeing Tenzin and Nick Gooch and Logan because they're really lovely people. Even though Logan is all creepy and touchy-feely because he hasn't seen Tully in ages. silly lolgannn! :P :) :P lolzzzz

Now that is out of the way !
I must say,
This week was really quite terrible. For the most part.
I was just so so so overly stressed about homework and school in general. Just for the record I failed every single assessment I had this week. Which is kind of depressing. Not to mention I slept so badly every single night.
I complain too much ! Aside from having to stay up to ungodly hours doing rushed homework my nights were rather nice because of really long and pleasant conversations with people who I have never talked to prior to this week. So yeah. Wonderful.

2 more weeks. So fucking pumped for the holidaysjkhdfalkdadsjgfdfajsdhfkadf

And if, in exchange for your time, I give you this smile?

A week ago I would not have thought certain people would make me so unbelievably happy. But I am in a wonderful and unexpectedly good mood.

Too bad I have absolutely so much work to do right now and I'd rather just sit in bed and smile at how much I love people. Ugh. I am so lazy.

the past two days

They've been a mixture of the most awful days ever and rather pleasant and relaxing moments. I still feel relatively ill but surely I must go to school tomorrow otherwise I will get so behind they will put me back in year seven.
Today I got to talk to multiple friends of mine who live overseas - since I was on facebook at such an early hour this morning - and also Anton, who kind of lives overseas. But doesn't. You know what I meaaannn.
Yeah that was nice. I like people.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow because I have not been able to email teachers my work that was due today or yesterday. Everyone will be mad.
But oh well. Ugh I feel sick again this is terrible. I don't think I should've eaten ice cream. Stupid.

Warrandyte Festival like yeah

What an absolutely wonderful weekend ! I was in the company of two of the most lovely people in the world for the majority of it, so you know, it's kind of expected to be great anyway. Saturday involved 'helping' the Dowling family with the garage sale and buying their things, and lying in the grass for a while and also Rachael was present. Then we ate Flakey Jake's and spent the rest of the night watching really amusing things on youtube and hilarious things that I cannot remember also happened.
Today was also great. I met Connor and he is so very nice ! Warrandyte is really really really lovely and I wish I could just stay there forever. It's so pretty and yeah.

How lovely this weekend was. Aside from the torture of sitting in front of these fucking filthy as shoppo hangers - I would say wogs but I do not want to sound racist - who were chatting up these mlc girls the whole way home, it was well good.

My stomach feels yucky and I would like nothing more than to read my book but I must do my homework. I have to or Frani will yell at me. And that would be sad for me.

IT'S FRIDAYYY FRIDAAYYYY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAYYYY

Ha actually my day wasn't even good or anything. Rebecca Black heightened my expectations for the day. Stupid thirteen year-old.

I really hope tomorrow will be lovely. I have no doubt that it won't but I'm in a really terrible mindset right now and I've thought of and done things that have me even more ridiculous and strange and miserable but it's okay because I have the best Thai food here right now. It's so fucking amazing oh my god it's like chicken and noodles and IT'S SO GOOD OH MY GOD

I can't feel my legs omg what

Oh, nobody knows all the trouble I've seen

Today was so amazing and great and so fun ugh I love people so much
I sat in the midst of all the year elevens for the majority of the day and I love them so very much and yeah wow they're so great n' stuff. Not to mention some people I almost never talk to, in my year also, which was nice.
I almost felt kind of sad because our group kind of has this massive three-way split in it but then again I love everything too much to be concerned about that.
I've been so happy for the entirety of this school week and it's so strange.

I am genuinely distraught about the death of the creator of Pokemon. I don't know what my life would be without Pokemon but it would've fucking sucked. Satoshi Tajiri, you are the biggest babe ever.

Also this weekend promises to be fun. I hope. Warrandyte is brill.

How uncomfortable

I'm feeling pretty content right now. I am feeling rather happy considering I don't have any specific reason to. But I have this stomach ache which has been going for like 30 hours like srsly why. What is happening. I just want to lie down for a while and listen to Vices and Virtues and cry because it's so fucking great k

Swimming tomorrow. How very dull and terribly uncomfortable if I am made to swim. It will only be nice if those wonderful people are flying kites at lunch. I so hope so.

My tummy is angry

Guess what. Today was really good. Hah. Look at that. Something nice and positive on my blog. Well then.
IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A GOOD DAY BUT IT WAS.
Tuesdays are generally the worst but it was so nice for random reasons.
But sadly I feel terribly sick. And I am without a good internet connection which makes life pointless, of course.

I want to listen to Vices and Virtues but my internet sucks. So I'm going to be jealous of those people who can listen to it and instead do German revision.

Guess what. Again. I am in a happy mood. I do not know why this is but it is nice okay bye

I am angry and tired and upset

I contemplate deleting this blog
it is nothing but the same shit every day
but alas, that is how I feel
I cannot help but write about it
and complain about it

Fuck fuck fuck I wish I knew how to express myself through words
like,
talking
I'm so bad at it

I'm so bad at everything
everything in my life
I can't keep track of anything
I make other people worry
I am a pointless waste of things
I feel so out of place all the time
I don't see why my existence is necessary
I don't see the point in anything
And it sucks

I am so so very tired

So unbelievably tired. Oh my god. I am never going to get better and I'll always be sick because I don't sleep enough and I have so much homework to do and I have to practice drums because I never do and ugh awful. I need holidays right now.

Today was really really lovely even though Caitlin made me run a long distance and I am embarrassingly unfit. Although it has filled me with so much regret because I should've gone yesterday and I would've met amazing people ugh asjdklfhsakdfjhsdf fuck oh well. I am sad now because I want it to be holidays but it isn't.

Today really was nice. Although I lack school shoes still. And my mother will dislike me because I'm so irresponsible and such. Oh. Well. I cannot be bothered worrying about anything now.

Sundays are always ridiculous in some way or another

And today it was ridiculous in a bad way.
Except I've felt like this for so long now I don't even know why I bother writing about myself. It should just be assumed now.
I just feel too unmotivated and miserable about nothing to do anything BUT HEY WHATEVER SEEING CAITLIN TOMORROW SO YAY OKAY HAPPY N' STUFF

There is an amazing-smelling cake in the kitchen and I have no idea what it has in it but it smells motherfuckin' good. I want to eat it but what if a half-dead baby jumps out at me or something idk

I could be doing something worthwhile tonight but instead I'm not.

I could be at a really strange party which would've been good anyway because it would've been nice to leave my house anyway and socialize with people who really aren't as bad as everyone thinks. But oh well. I am staying in tonight and eating pizza and going to watch wonderful horror movies all night. Lovely. I might even be inspired to stay up half the night and paint a fun gorey painting with someone bleeding profusely or something lol asjkhdflkjsadhf idk blood is really fun to paint, okay.

Today was nice but I felt strangely exhausted majority of the day so whatever.

I also really appreciate that Alo was online for like a second before and all she said was 'Sam loves youuuu' and then went offline. Sam is so brilliant. So is Darcy Moore. Weird right? But he's sah nice. People just think he is rude because his head is really big and he's loud and one of his eyes is always red but hey. I don't judge -shrugs-

I always feel awkward after I write a really scary blog

Today was semi-alright which was nice because I was expecting myself to be in a terrible mood. But I was so tired and I didn't really care so I was just in a generally strange mood all day. Fun. Also I'm trying really hard not to let small pointless things get to my head so I don't get overly-emotional about nothing and end up making other people feel bad. I tend to do that.

"Did you know twisted seatbelts are the cause of more deaths every year than alcohol-related injuries?...That statistic was a lie, I made it up...but I had you fooled."

Also just for the record I am completely jealous of everyone at Ke$ha right now. Fuck. That would totally beat doing homework.
...What? Don't look at me like that. Ke$ha is brilliant. Sort of.

I want to just crawl up in a corner and be forgotten by everyone

Why does everything make me so upset
My parents make so angry
They're making me angry right now
Especially him. You are so motherfucking ignorant of every single thing that is wrong with me right now and I just want to scream and cry and yell at you until you fucking understand whatever the fuck is wrong with me. I don't understand why neither of them will actually try and listen to what I'm saying or actually ask me if I want to talk about anything. They just hand the problem onto someone else. They treat me like I'm a ten year old. I hate hate hate hate hate it and I just want to be at my dad's where nothing matters and he's so much less patronizing and unfair. Fuck. This is such an angry blog. You're welcome to stop reading here because I'm going to keep writing things and rant some more.
I can't stand myself. Seriously. Why do I have to pity myself all the time? Why can I just not compare myself to everyone else and just be fucking happy with my life? I hate how I feel like I'm just going to be alone forever and no one will actually be there. No one will ever be there to completely understand me and listen to me and care about me and actually love me more than anything else. It feels like I'll be stuck with this fucking depressed feeling for the rest of my life and you know what? It fucking sucks. These past 7 months have fucking sucked. On a personal level. Don't get me wrong. I really really adore my friends and everything, but if I'm not distracted by something, I can't handle anything. I just want to give up on everything and just sleep and never ever wake up because everything just sucks. That's how I see it.

I do apologize if you just read through all that.

"More like Get-A-Life! Hah!" Fuck I'm funny.

It's kind of really disgusting how many people I saw today who all looked exactly the same. The same caked face, the same dumb shorts with the occasional American flag on them, tops that barely covered any area of their torso and so disgustingly slutty and open about it. Not to mention all the revolting wog boys.
And I wasn't even at Goodlife. Non-existent God only knows how awful it would've been actually there. Our generation disgusts me. Or at least what is considered 'the norm' for our generation.

Today was nice aside from the above short rant and the unpleasant call from my parents. I really like just sitting in the park and having nice conversations. I wasn't even annoyed by anyone today which makes me happy.

And although I've said it multiple times I actually cannot wait for my dad to move to his new house. I don't even care that he can be insanely annoying, I am just so so so so so so sick of my mum and this house in general. Okay off to watch whatever dvd I can find. Bye.

I love things but I am not in the loving mood as of now

I love love love love love love We The Kings and The Maine and Never Shout Never so much it's insane because they're actually so wonderful and it was so great because I've had such an awful week and it was so super nice to go to that and feel happy because I don't feel like that a lot

I love Grace and Frani lots but they're so ridiculous because they're watching Desperate Housewives and I'm sitting on Frani's bed listening to Never Shout Never and trying not to feel sorry for myself because I still have to finish my religion thing and I feel so sick and I have post-concert depression so give me a break.

Seriously though.

That concert was one of the most amazing things ever.

The 3rd of March is almost upon us

Time has passed so quickly oh my god. It's already March. Shit.

I feel awful because I was so grumpy today and unnecessarily mean to people and I can't believe I actually CHOSE to go to sport training because I've never felt so utterly pathetic. I had to just sit there and cough up what feels like a huge rock in my throat. I'm so sick and fed up and impatient and bored of doing things. Anything. It's silly.

Tomorrow will be so so so wonderful. Do not misread this and think I am excited for Swimming Carnival. I am merely excited because of that lovely little concert. So pumped.

One day I hope I'll feel like myself again
I won't feel incredibly lonely even when I'm around everyone
I won't get pointlessly jealous of someone I don't even want to be jealous of
I won't get to the point where I give up on everything and just want my life to end
I'll be able to talk to my parents and not have to lie every single time
I won't struggle to motivate myself to put effort into anything
I won't feel so bad all the time
And I'll be able to go a couple of days without feeling like the world is going to end because something slightly upset me.

I know I'll feel better
eventually
at some point in time
I hope I don't cause people too much concern
Please don't explode/self-combust because I write scary blogs. I just like writing my thoughts because I'm so bad at saying things like this out loud.
I love the word explode, on another note lulz

Gotta love these terrible melodramatic blogs, amirite?

Also hi lol I did homework tonight
every1 b proud!!!~*~*~*~