yep this is bullshit

so I had one of the worst sleeps of my life last night I am not even kidding
after feeling the worst in the morning I was like FORGET DAT SHIT IT'S A WEDNESDAY I LOVE WEDNESDAYS
but then everything just happened to suck today
every time I tried to be all like ~*~positive and try and not think about it~*~ there was just something to bring me down again and that kept happening and oh man I fucking hate things.

I was actually feeling almost good last night and well okay that went to shit didn't it

I forgot to post this
it's half an hour later and mum just said we're having chicken curry for dinner
that is the best thing I've heard all day oh my god

the only nice sunday in the history of forever

Generalization. But just, as a rule, Sundays have a habit of being really really shit.
Today was the exception of being quite nice. I really like meeting splendid new people and seeing other fantastic people I have not seen in a while, and generally do not see very often at all. I appreciate nice days like today that make me forget about everything else in the world yay.

Oh ! And my hair's a bit red. It's a bit of fun. Just a bit. Just a little bit.

What a catch, Donnie

Today was really actually quite nice even though last night I was really overwhelmed by things and yep. Today was really lovely. I love Frani and Grace and Zander and Aarish and everything and I love Adam too even though he sucks a large amount of cock for not showing up today. Mhm. In any case, I am painting and being overwhelmed by how much I love certain things. Fall Out Boy, for instance.

I've got troubled thoughts
and the self esteem to match
what a catch, what a catch.

oh man

there is is really attractive person at my therapy place who has their appointment after me
I've seen them like twice and we had like eye sex no big deal
they're so cute I want to cry

I have no idea if they're a boy or a girl omg

Happy birthday Jack Barakat

You beautiful wonderful human being.

Honestly I like when I don't leave the house on Saturday nights and I just have a nice night on tumblr and I can draw things and read wonderful gorey comics and eat a lot of cake and nutella and listen to fall out boy
seriously this is as good as life can possibly get
I have low expectations k

Okay

I will not blog for a while
It is a pointless thing to do when I can just write it all in a book
And I am making pointless annoying posts all the time ! So yeah
Also we have Nutella now
I will survive
Suddenly that song is stuck in my head.
The lady who wrote that was called Gloria Gaynor.
Why so ridiculous, Gloria Gaynor? You are not going to survive with a name like that.
Ha.

um
So goodbye for a while

The conversations I have with my mother.

"I was talking to Frani's mum... she says you hang out with Year 11s a lot more these days?"
"Yeah...It's like Frani, Grace, me and Adam, Zander and Aarish."
"...Irish?"
"Aarish."
"Irish?"
"AARISH."
"...is he Irish?"
"WITH TWO A'S. AARISH."
"Oh! ...He's not Irish is he? Ha ha ha!"

deer god.

we're out of nutella and everything sucks

Lawl not being melodramatic. Just the fact we have no Nutella is just an addition to my sadness
/dramatic sob
I want someone to give me something that will make me feel better
I do not understand why we haven't gone to the doctor for something yet
I don't get it. Adults are silly. My mother says she will do a lot of things but does not get around to it ! She is very silly. We need more Nutella. That might make me feel better. I doubt it. Nutella can only fix so many things !
In any case
I cannot stand this
I hate pretending I feel all happy n' stuff
When I don't
I don't know how to feel happy anymore
Which, y'know, isn't great. Quite honestly it's fucking shit.
It's rather odd, because while I dread waking up every morning at the same time I get these really not-fun dreams, if you can even call them dreams, and I want nothing more than to stay awake all night. It's rather odd. You might almost say it's pretty. odd. Ha ! I make that joke too often.
I want someone to do something to make me feel good again. I haven't felt genuinely happy, like constantly, for so long. I always end up coming back to this depressed feeling.
Funny thing. I always write derpressed and it amuses me to no end in the most inappropriate of situations.

This has been another blog where I open up too much about boring things that no one cares about xoxo

Happy birthday to the frightened possum

Two days until English exam. I think I am a bit fucked for some other exams but oh weeeelll

I ate 3 slices of nutella and noodles for breakfast. I am in a Panic! At The Disco mood, moreso than I normally am. I am happy I do not have proper school for 2 weeks. I do not want to go to dinner tonight with family friends who I have not seen in a long time. I should study instead of writing things on the possum's wall that would startle him further.

blogging again yep bitches can't stop me k

Today was so dull I could've wept a bit but then the afternoon gradually got nicer and nicer

Then I got home and there was tumblr and pizza and Blink 182 and amongst all of that I drew things that I liked and I was like DAMN I LOVE LIFE
except now I feel sick
sad stori i no ryt

my tummy is sad and angry and is making everything painful OH WELLLLL DON'T CARE IN A GOOD MOOD
Suddenly
I am so tired

So tired

Going to go read in bed and paint a picture of someone and then go to sleep, I hope. l8r guise

oh me and my past blog entries

I am silly.

HI OKAY I WANT EVERYONE TO LEAVE MY TUMBLR ALONE
How do people find my tumblr
People need to understand not to give my tumblr to people
idgaf who it is u need 2 leave mi alone :(((
And why would they even follow me
I don't understand
People should leave me alone
I would make a new blog but fffs I love this one
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RANT ABOUT THINGS WHEN PEOPLE I KNOW ARE THERE
I don't want them to see into my mind ! That's weeeeeirddddd !

People should just go away yep my internet is slow so I can't even click on this person who just followed my tumblr and hate on how shit their blog is
everything sux all da tym

ignore the things I post, please

I am so sick of everyone and everything including myself
and I am so sick of how I always complain about something or rather and I am such a huge waste of time and space and existence and the fact that I still have friends confuses me a lot because y'know I suck

I was actually studying this afternoon um though
fuck fuck fuck
I need to draw something
I don't know how else to vent things anymore djklfhjksf

When I got home today I just curled up in the nice warmness of my bed and listened to nice music

The past month of feeling tired has finally caught up with me and I do not think I have ever felt this physically exhausted in my life. The whole day today I could just feel my eyelids getting all heavy. Too much blogging in the past week, I think.

My brother is the most wonderful person ever ! He bought more Nutella for me. Going to go back to bed and kind of lie there even though I can't sleep. I like that I am too tired to worry about anything or think about people. It is nice.

I don't think there's anything I'm worse at than studying

And I'm bad at a lot of things

/melodramatic sigh

I, in fact, had a nice afternoon of re-reading this comic books I was in love with when I was 12 or something. They're insanely gory and exciting and they're about a guy who murders people and he's great and deep and has these fun misanthropic views on society. They're really wonderful comics. Going to re-read the graphic novel thing of V for Vendetta for like 12 billionth time again at some ungodly hour tonight/tomorrow morning, I think.

Lol but seriously what is study
what does that word mean
I don't understand
what am I supposed to be doing right now

My Chemical Romance

Um.
No words can genuinely describe how much that band mean to me. Ughlol some people just don't get it and they're all "duuude mcr are so emo n' shit and the lead singer looks like a rat" etc. which is not very nice, because idk about you but being called a rat is somewhat, or very, insulting.
IN ANY CASE
Uh I love them so so much and the only reason I am feeling so inspired to do things right now is because they exist. And by 'right now' I mean at this moment in time specifically. I may not have had a wonderful year in any way shape or form so far but this lovely band kind of are my only motivation for anything. Which is nice. I can tell someone is just having a right chuckle to themselves right now reading this, but uh there really is no other way to put it. Yeah.

Today was pleasant. This weekend I somehow managed to re-assess how shit of a person I am. Uh. Yeah. I will be better at things in general from now on. Not exactly mentally but I suppose I will just try harder. At things that I like. Not Math. Ugh. The point is. Too many full stops. Yeah.

I am going to remember how to skateboard and create better drawings and play guitar more and study harder and try to not despise school as much as I do and watch the rest of Life On The Murder Scene and continue to adore Gerard Way and Frank Iero and Ray Toro and Mikey Way and Bob Bryar and yeah. That's my life planned out, there.

This is me apologising for the shitness of my blog

Yeah. Uh. I just looked back on old posts and oh my god why do I even have friends.

I slept for 3 hours last night because I was drawing ! Isn't that fun?

Going to go get some sort of cereal and sit in bed and think about how much everything hurts for some reason. I think I slept in some awful position or something idek. I need cereal.

everything sux :((((

Except when Frani and I plan to become a fanfic writing duo of massive great proportions and the time between after lunch and the end of school just involved us sitting outside and drawing things and feeling nice.
Everything else today made me want to die a bit xoxo
I cannot complain though.

Going to eat my sorrows away with Nutella and think about Alo and Aarish and other people who are sad at the moment and hope with all my heart that they will be happy again. Um yeah.

the way to my heart is nutella

I think I'm going to get that tattooed across my collarbone or something srsly guys

4 hours later and 6 slices of nutella on toast and all I've achieved is finished some lovely fanfics and finished my passage analysis and felt sorry for myself. I am terrible.

I don't know why but for some reason people think it's alright for Pete Wentz/Patrick Stump fanfiction to be really twisted and frightening. Like one of them gets pregnant or they're both women instead or they're actually horses for some reason. I saw a summary of one which I got away from as fast as possible and it was like, 'in this story, Pete and Patrick are pencils!!!!'
like what the actual fuck. AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE OR IS THAT THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING IN THE WORLD?

That was a fun mood I was in...yesterday? Or Monday? I'm not sure. No ! It was Monday. Monday was fun. My good moods don't last very long. I feel like sulking in my room and writing melodramatic things in a book n' yeah. You know what? If I wasn't me I wouldn't be my friend. I am so awful it sickens me. This is normally the point at which I say 'l0l gonna go b a dramatic bitch n draw something 2 vent ma feelings :(((((' but hey, I have study to do. Yeah.