I regret blogging entirely

I don't understand why I write things here when I can just write them in a little book and shove it far into a corner of my room where no one has to read it or understand it or ask me why I say such scary things.

Hence I will not go into detail about how I feel right now. Not a great amount of detail.
I think I am just disappointed how I thought I would feel ~*~*~instantly gr8~*~*~ after I started hanging out with a certain person, or after I kind-of-not-really talked to my mother about problems n' such, or even having such wonderful times on the holidays. Although there were days where I wanted nothing more than to fall off the face of the earth. But nothing helps at all and nothing is ever going to help. Or at least that's how it feels, I think ! Mhmm feeling bad 24/7 for so long makes me forget what it feels like to feel normal all the time. But I feel so stupid and guilty because there is no point in me feeling like this. It's not like I'm missing arms or like I get horribly abused or I don't have parents like what am I even doing. I don't even deserve to feel like this. I think I am an ungrateful bitch lawl xoxo